The nice guy (Not)

He wanted her to get physical. She refused. Obviously.

”I don’t think I will be comfortable even wid hugging n kissing”she thought. “how will I face my future husband then? I will die of guilt! No,absolutely not! Out of question.”

He- you cant even see how much I m sacrificing for this! And I m not even asking for sex. You cant sacrifice even your guilty feelings for me? Relationships are all about how much you sacrifice. I m sacrificing everything. You re not doing even a bit. And you say you love me. Cant you do even this for my happiness?

(oh yea right! She wanted to not say much. She wanted to be very precise and specific and not un necessarily get senti and say the emotional shit. She was forcing herself to learn how to not get senti and only use and throw the way guys had been doing with her all her life. It felt like an exercise for making her emotionally strong. She hoped this exercise helped her learn how not to take every a-hole with innocent eyes and buttering smile seriously!)

She -I m sorry but I cant. Really. I m sorry.

(she was trying to be short and precise as I said. Actually she just wanted him to break up. She was growing bored of his non sense. “Let me see what he says”. She wanted him to say “alright then lets break up”)

He- not even a bit. You cant compromise even a bit? Please. For me. For us. Nothing major. Don’t take your clothes off. Just the shirt? Please. This isn’t too much…

(Holy crap.
”We are actually negotiating how many clothes I am going to let him take off . Wtf. A- hole “. She was trying not to give him any reactions. And just behave calmly. Like she was totally unaffected.)

She-I m sorry. Very sorry.

He- not even the shirt?

She- No.

(she wanted him to stop blurting out non sense at this point and that is why she sent him a no, a plain NO.
She was hoping he will not reply back. But he did.)

He- just a few buttons? At least let me feel your body from above your clothes.

(WHAT!)

She- not possible. I am sorry.

(she felt so cheap. She was actually replying to him. Damn. )

He- you make me feel small. Its like I love you so much, but you don’t even a bit. You fell cold hearted to me.

(“loves me? And so much? yea right. We havnt even seen each other. Met online just 3 days ago!”)

She- I am sorry. Dint mean to come across as a cold hearted one but I am sorry.

He- the worst thing is you re not even trying to make it up to me. Perhaps you don’t even care.

She- yaar I dunno how to explain. The last thing I would want to do is to hurt you. If my response is coming across as a very rude one I m sorry, this is what the truth is. I cant get physical.

He dint reply after that. And obviously she dint give a damn and this time surprisingly and genuinely. “Okay honey great. You are finally growing up. You are finally learning.” She applauded silently)

Later that evening she tried to break up with him. But he dint.

(“Okay fine, Lets see whats in store.” She thought.
She just wanted to learn what they mean when they say “timepass”. She was desperate to move out of her fantasies of goody-goody world of serious relationships where she only ended up getting deeply hurt to the other side with casual hook ups. She wanted to learn how to use and throw the way people had been doing with her. She wanted to get immune to all the non sense mushy talk cuz every time a guy hurt her every one thought that atleast now she would learn but she never could.)

She wanted to learn. Genuinely. And this time- finally.


P.S.-after a few days they finally broke up. She reminded him what an a-hole he had been. He apologized. He was a 'nice' guy afterall!:-)

PPS- I wrote this way back in feb 2009. Posting it now.